No more nursing...

Someone is growing up.....way too fast! I knew it was coming, and as much as I've tried to cling to Jacob's babyhood, he has other ideas. Mr. Jacob turned 2o months old on July 29th, and, up until tonight, he has been nursing at bedtime. I had planned to nurse him until he was about this age, but I never wanted to have a quitting date- it's just way too hard for me to know when it will be over, and I'd rather just let it happen when it happens. But I have been running out of time.....you see, Zack will be celebrating his 4oth birthday next month, and we plan to go away for a long weekend- NO KIDS! And to do that, I need to quit nursing my sweet boy, which is a hard thing for me- no matter how much I want to go away with my husband!!!

So, I've been secretly dreading each night, wondering if it will be my last night to nurse my 7th child, hoping that he will still need his mommy, convincing myself that I still have lots of time before our trip, and praying that the perfect opportunity will arise and there won't be any question that nursing Jacob has come to an end. And I thought that had happened tonight....

When I sat down in my usual spot to snuggle and nurse Jacob, he was wiggly and had no interest in me, even though I knew he was tired and ready for bed. I finally let him off my lap thinking that he would return eventually, and then we would try again, but he went and found his daddy and started to snuggle with him. This is it, I thought. I was broken-hearted and decided to scrap the post I had planned to type up tonight, and instead I began this post, fighting to see my computer screen through the tears. After about 15 minutes, I could hear Jacob downstairs fussing, and then I saw Zack coming up the stairs with him. Zack walked over and handed him to me, and I stood up to take him. At that point, I decided that I would NOT give in to my selfish desires and try to nurse him, but instead I would walk around and try to comfort him in other ways. It took about 10 minutes for me to break down and nurse my baby, and another 5 minutes for him to fall happily asleep in my arms!!

Okay, I know, I blew it!!! It turned out to be so much harder than I thought- mainly because I've been dreading it for so long now and also because he may very well be my last baby. So, I guess it's back to the drawing board..... but I know one thing for sure, Jacob will NOT be nursing when Zack and I leave for our weekend away in four short weeks ;-) HOW we get there is still to be determined!!! If you wouldn't mind sending a little prayer my way, I would really appreciate it! I think that's my only hope now! It's really hard to not want to nurse this little guy......